When I started working at the Center in December 2005, I never dreamed I’d see so much child abuse. I had no idea that child abuse happens every day in West Tennessee, even in the smallest of communities.
I never dreamed I’d see a little boy with a collarbone broken at the hands of his father or a teenager with scars from his father’s belt, scars so shocking that he hides them from his peers in gym class.
I never dreamed I’d see a little girl who has been victimized by so many of her mother’s boyfriends that law enforcement removed her from their home. I never dreamed I’d see so many grandmothers raising their grandchildren because their moms and dads are addicted to meth, cocaine, or heroin. I also never dreamed I’d see so many babies born addicted as well.
I never dreamed I’d meet a little girl who wouldn’t call her mother Mama anymore because she had hurt her so many times she didn’t deserve the title. I never dreamed I’d sit in court until 8 o’clock one night watching a beautiful, blonde six-year-old girl clutching a teddy bear as she testified against her stepfather for the atrocities he had done to her. Daddy was sentenced to 25 years in prison for a case so horrific that an area pediatrician uses it as a teaching tool.
And I certainly never dreamed I’d meet a baby who had been thrown across a room so violently that she passed out when she struck the wall. I kept her for two days later when her grandmother went to court to ask for custody. I played with her and kissed her as her eyes sparkled from the attention she’d been craving. As I held her, I realized that she wasn’t responding to my voice. I began speaking louder, clapping my hands behind her, all to no avail. When the baby’s grandmother returned, I told her that I feared she might have some hearing loss. Three weeks later I got a call from the grandmother’s attorney. That sweet, precious baby girl had permanent and complete hearing loss from the abuse. One minute she was a perfectly healthy baby; the next, she was made deaf for the rest of her life.
I never dreamed I’d see the things I see every day at the Carl Perkins Center. If you could see what I see, it would change your life forever. I support the Carl Perkins Center because of the children I see every day: children with broken spirits, broken bones, and broken hearts. I give so that I can dream of a world where child abuse doesn’t exist and all children live happy safe lives. I give because I believe in a better world. I give because I believe in the Carl Perkins Center.
Janeane Moore
Former Office Manager, Chester County
I never met Carl Perkins, but I listened to his music as a child; little did I know what an impact this man’s dream would have on my family and my destiny.
It all started on a warm November evening in 1988. I was a 12-year-old little girl. I was home alone with my three younger siblings watching them, not understanding why my parents abruptly left the house and left me in charge. I was only 12 at the time and didn’t understand what was going on. My younger sister Melissa said that they were at the “Center.” I could only think why. We lived downtown, just a two minute bike ride from the Center that we visited so many times. So I hopped on my bike and rode up to the Center to see what was going on. I leaned my bike against the building and headed inside. Flash forward an hour later, and I am in the car with strangers and driving away crying as I saw my bicycle leaned against the building, knowing that it would not go with me and I would never go home again. That 12-year-old girl wanted to go home so bad at the time. But as time has went by and I sit here writing this letter at 35-years-old, I realize that moment in '88 was so pivotal in redirecting my path in life and broke the cycle my siblings and I were living in. Over the next six years, my life experience of growing up as a ward of the state was in itself a journey, but one thing I learned on that journey was what life, family, unconditional love and dreams meant and what they were supposed to be and could be. I had a new reality, and I took hold of it. At 18-years-old, I married my high school sweetheart and set sail on my life. I stand before the world today as a testament to what perseverance and drive and hope can do in your life. The Center stepped in and gave mine and my siblings' lives hope and options for a better life. We could at last break the cycle, and we have chosen to. I am a 35-year-old wife, mother and sister who has achieved all the dreams I have set for myself thus far. I am the mother of two beautiful children, ages 13 and 11. I have been married for 16 years to a man whose mission in life is to make all my dreams come true and give me the love I never had. I own my own successful business, and I hope to give my children an opportunity in life to do all they dream to do. My three siblings are all doing amazing, and between us, there are seven children being raised in amazing loving homes who will never know the life that we lived as children and that so many other unfortunate children have. The cycle has been broken here in our family. My heart bursts every Thanksgiving when we all get together with our children in my own beautiful home. My home is so full of love, laughter and hope for a better tomorrow on that day. It is my favorite day of the year, which was made possible by the Carl Perkins Center.
I cannot thank the Center enough for what they did for my family. My life is and always will be a constant testament to what caring strangers and a whole lot of donations from generous people like yourself can do.
I am now able to give my child the gift of a healthy, nurturing parent. Because the worker believed in me, I learned to believe in myself.
I learned so much about my kids and myself. Self-examination isn’t easy! I’ve been able to handle life a lot better. I think this program is great!
The Center gave me support that I had never had before.
The Carl Perkins Center helped build my self-esteem and confidence and I was able to pass that along to my children.
The cycle of abuse will be broken starting with me! I h ad learned what not to do, now I learned what to do instead.
I know that I have only met you a few times, and I normally don’t go around telling people things about myself, but I would really like to share something with you. I would like for you to share this with your group, but please don’t say any names or reveal my identity. Sometimes with things in our past, it is hard to re-visit and deal with it all over again. This is something my children and I have overcome together. I don’t want people to “feel sorry for me” or look at me differently. I am trying so hard to establish myself in the community. Please keep my identity concealed if you decide to share this. I do feel that it is a story that needs to be told. I don’t think people realize exactly what takes place at the Center.
About five years ago, I came home from the store and found my four-year-old in the bathtub crying. She had stayed home with her dad and brother while I was out. I went to her to find out what was wrong, but I couldn’t make any sense of what she was saying. She was very red and I thought it seemed odd, but maybe she had gotten her water too hot. I got her out of the tub to calm her, and that was when I realized she was so red because she had hand prints all over her legs, arms and face. I finally realized she was saying, "I’m sorry, I’m sorry." She could hardly catch her breath.
She had gotten into some fabric paint and painted EVERYTHING in her room, and her dad lost all control. I won’t go into details because I don’t think I have the heart to say, even one more time, what he did. Furious, I went to her dad and asked him what happened. Everything seemed to be in a blur, and honestly, I can’t remember what all he said, I was in total shock. I had no idea what to do. I put my kids in the car and drove for hours before I finally stopped at my aunt’s house. My aunt told me I should call the police. We had to take pictures of my little girl’s bruised body. She didn’t understand anything that was going on. I will never forget those pictures. I haven’t laid eyes on them since court, but I can still see that in my mind.
Suddenly, there was so much to think about. I wasn’t working at the time; I had no way to keep our house going with no money. I had just put my husband in jail. My children were scared to death, and what a wonderful time to find out that I was pregnant. I had never felt so abandoned and depressed in my life. Later, I found out that he had been hanging around with some different people and had gotten involved in drugs. At that point, he was in and out of jail and had turned into some stranger we didn’t know.
After moving into a “less than desirable” apartment and finally getting settled, he started stalking us. I wondered how he kept getting out of jail. Unfortunately, in some small towns, there is a buddy system. When you know everyone and have been friends with most of the police force for years, you don’t stay in jail very long. The kids and I finally had to move into a “WRAP” shelter in another town. My five-year-old son, who had seen the whole thing, would not speak to anyone for days. About a month later, we were riding in the car and he started crying and hugging his sister, telling her, “I’m sorry I told on you. I knew he was gonna whoop you. I should have waited til Mama got home. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s my fault we can’t see Daddy.” We had to cut contact with everyone when we went to the shelter, in order to keep him away from the kids until the court date.
Through all this time (July 03 through Jan 04) do you know who my friends were? And who went to EVERY single court date with me, who held my hand while I cried? Who bought my kids school supplies, Halloween goodies and Thanksgiving dinner to the shelter we were in? Who helped Santa get ALL those toys and clothes to my kids for Christmas? (They were so afraid Santa couldn’t find them because they were not at home.) Do you know who told me “Everything is going to work out. You CAN do this, and you and your kids are going to be FINE.” Do you know who it was that took me to my first prenatal doctor visit? When everyone else “didn’t want to be involved” or made me feel like I should have known he was going to lose it and hurt our child? Do you know who my FAMILY was?
The people at the Carl Perkins Center.
One of the guys there played football with my son every time we went. They gave my kids toys because all their stuff was somewhere in storage. They made sure my son had counseling for the anger he was feeling and couldn’t deal with. They talked to my daughter about confidence and how you are supposed to be treated and treat the people you love. They taught my son that it is never okay to turn to violence just because you are angry.
And most shocking of all…
They taught my ex-husband it’s not okay to turn to violence just because you are angry. After his time in jail away from the kids and away from drugs, he realized he needed help. They provided him with counseling and anger management and a friend to call when he felt out of control. And after years of rebuilding trust and relationships, my kids can see their dad. One of the hardest things for them was missing him SO much. Even after what happened, they still love their dad so much. The Carl Perkins Center gave them their dad back, one they don’t have to be afraid of.
Thanks you to the Carl Perkins Center! More than I can ever say—THANK YOU! Not only for helping us through the hardest thing we had ever dealt with but for breaking a cycle of child abuse. My son could have easily learned those habits and do the same to his family in the future. But now he has learned a better way. My daughter knows she does not deserve to ever be treated that way. And their dad had gained control over his life.
Thank you for breaking the cycle of child abuse.
- It means the world to us you’re a part of our lives, especially during these hard times. You brighten a lot of family’s lives with hope.
- When I was laid off, I didn’t know how I was going to pay my utility bill or buy groceries before my unemployment started; the Carl Perkins Center has been a blessing.
- I appreciated the phone calls, porch visits, and food drop offs during the shelter at home time.
- I couldn’t have made it without the services provided.
- Thankful that I have someone to talk to.
- I appreciate all of the help. Raising a child on my own is tough, but your help has made our lives so much easier.
- Been a lifesaver and don’t know what I would have done without them.
- This program is a great help and is from people who care.
The Carl Perkins Center has taught me about children’s different personalities and how to effectively handle them. As a caregiver of seven grandchildren, this program has helped me tremendously. I am blessed to come to the support group meetings and hear from others who are dealing with the same challenges and struggles. We learn how to deal with emotional problems and the pressures that children face today. I am blessed to be a part of the Carl Perkins Center.
The Relative Caregiver Program helps ensure the children are in a safe, secure and loving environment. As a caregiver of three grandchildren, it means so much to me to know the children are safe, happy and thriving. The Carl Perkins Center is helping them in a way that they are moving forward with learning and being able to attend church and participate in other activities. It is a blessing for me and for the girls to hear them say they feel happy and secure.
- I learned about things no one ever spoke to me about.
- Anyone who has contact with children needs to go through this impactful training!
- As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I found the program to be empowering and I feel compelled to help get this information out to the community.
- I think this should be a requirement for every, school, teacher or child care worker!
- Everyone was so friendly. My Child’s therapist went above and beyond to make us comfortable and make sure we understood everything about how to help our child heal.
- My child’s therapist has been very attentive and took special care to ensure that we felt safe. She made my child feel like a priority, which I believe was crucial to the success of his treatment.
- From the first phone call, I felt compassion from the Center staff during a very confusing and difficult time. I am very glad this service is available in our community.
As a trauma therapist specializing in sexual abuse, I often notice people attempting to avoid discussing topics relative to my career. The most common responses are: “How on earth do you deal with that?” or “I just couldn’t handle it.” My perspective is quite the opposite.
Most people believe I am exposed to the atrocities of hurting the most vulnerable members of our society, our children. The truth is, I have the honor of bearing witness to the healing of some of the most resilient and remarkable children. It is certainly not a burden but more of a privilege to witness the strength of the children we serve.
One experience that stuck with me was when I received a thank you card from an eight-year-old boy following the completion of therapy. It was my second case at the Center; the authenticity of the card’s message enhanced the passion for the work in my career. The child was the victim of sexual abuse perpetrated by an adult male.
Prior to therapy, he was suffering from night terrors, bed wetting, severe anxiety and depression. The child was living in a constant state of fear. His behavioral patterns at school caused him to frequent the Principal’s office. He had lost interest in sports and activities with friends. His mother was at a loss on how to respond to his challenging behavior. He was a very strong child, yet he did not possess the necessary coping skills to overcome the sexual abuse.
Following seven months of Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, the child was sleeping well at night, had gone 3 months without wetting the bed, felt generally content, re-attached with family and engaged in social activities again. Most importantly, he felt safe. His behavioral patterns at school were stable, and his grades dramatically improved.
Prior to cognitive engagement, the child verbalized that he thought he was weird and gross for being a victim of sexual abuse. We performed educational activities pertaining to sexual abuse during which he learned about a famous MLB pitcher R.A. Dickey. He had also experienced sexual abuse and overcame the experience through therapy and support. Dickey even wrote a book, Wherever I Wind Up, which depicted some of the inaccurate and unhelpful thoughts he experienced following sexual abuse; it also chronicled his journey through PTSD recovery.
In the final therapy session, the child provided me with a thank-you card with the message “Thank you for helping me tell my mom what happened and to get it off my mind, thank you.” I cannot describe the emotional strength I received from the card.
When people tell me, “I couldn’t do your job; I would just get so depressed;” they don’t understand the joy that comes with observing the strength and resilience of these awesome kids with whom I am blessed to work. It is an honor for me to be able to watch their bravery and courage throughout the healing process of therapy. If we could take before and after photos of our children, in the place of slumped shoulders, tears and insecurity, you could see broad shoulders, genuine smiles and confidence radiating from their faces.
That’s a simple enough question isn’t it? But, we live in a world that is anything but simple. It’s a complicated world. Those of us who have the privilege of raising someone else’s children, well, we have a definite understanding of what a complicated life can be. That’s where the Carl Perkins Program enters in—at least for me.
They have proven to be a lifeline when I needed one. Outside of going to church and going over to a friend's for coffee on occasions, we don’t have much of a social life. We don’t go out to eat much or to the movies or even bowling. Those are luxuries we can’t afford anymore. Instead, we try to do things with the girls while they still enjoy our company. We know when they get a litter older, that will change some, so we do things now that don’t cost much but pay out in big ways. The Carl Perkins Program has given us a lot of these ideas.
When I have my monthly visit with our case manager, it’s like visiting with a friend. She’s my sounding board for so many things I couldn’t talk about with anyone else. I have grown to love her very much, and I trust her. I can’t say that about many people.
Then there were the months—years really, that we didn’t have an open case any longer, but they never turned their backs to us.
We no longer were eligible for certain things in the program, but the monthly group meetings were still open to us with all the wonderful people that are just like us. No matter the age, size, color or background, we’re all raising someone else’s kids. Often, they’re our grandchildren, or like us, great-grandchildren. Some are nieces/nephews, etc., but all of us have opened our hearts and lives to children we haven’t birthed to keep them out of Foster Care. God bless those who foster care, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t want my great-granddaughters in Foster Care. We were the best answer to fill their needs, and they were with us all the time anyway. With the help the Carl Perkins Program has given to us, we’ve had a relatively smooth ride.
They helped by buying the girls a bunk bed a few years ago. At the time we only had two beds—twin size for all three of them. Now we have three! It’s helped so much because they all share a bedroom. Also, they’ve supplied the girls with school uniforms and school supplies, and regular clothes, too! And groceries as well. Ms Marilyn almost always shows up with something to help us. She even brings me cleaning supplies like dish soap if I need it. The Carl Perkins Program has helped to lift so many little burdens off of us that it’s made the larger burdens a little easier to bare. I think that that’s part of what they do, help ease the burdens. Make the weight a little lighter.
The Carl Perkins Case Managers, volunteers, field workers and everyone associated with the program are truly the best examples of what Jesus was describing as the “Good Samaritan”, (Luke Chapter 10 verse 35 – 37).
- I appreciated the kindness of the victim advocate and knowing what to expect and not being alone.
- I appreciated that I always felt wanted, needed, loved, and SAFE! I am very thankful for all the help I have been given.
- The staff were always willing to do very and anything to help even if it was outside the normal.
- We felt at home at the Center, and we felt like we mattered and were of the utmost importance.